WithUiamInfinite

This post is just letting y'all know where im at, Im like around, ya know, like im here but half the time im really not, ive been trying to stay sane and myself by mixing my ideas with reality, I sound crazy no? I should care but I dont, Im literally at the same fucking head space, I dont want to be around anyone, because I dont trust anyone, I just think of the worst happening in every scenario, but i feel like im being realistic and preparing myself because sooner or later the worse happens, might not happen today, or in 6 months from now.... but believe me, it happens! Someone brought up my last baby the other day..... I think about the situation often. See I dont think my boyfriend was really bothered by it, by I had never went through that before. If i could have one wish it would be for another chance. Id also wish for a home. Ive realized recently that Ive never had one of those..... a home where I was actually looking forward to coming back to. A home where I could find

As I type this new post, i think its important to warn my audience this there are possible trigger warnings. If you are triggered please close this page immediately. Ive recently come to realize how much I hate people! I know not all of you are bad, but for some strange reason, I only attract people that wish to hurt me. Take my family for instance, who conditioned me to be the way I am... my dad , who put more fear in my heart for years, and than has filled my adulthood with his haunting disappointment. my mom,   who stayed in fear of my dad, but would always obey what he wanted, even when we lived like we worshipped him, I'm tired of letting people hurt me, Im fed up with it all, I was scammed recently, and it made me question all of my relationships.... People smile and tell me they love me, and want the best for me, but why every time I did what someone told me to do.... I ended up unhappy?? I really hate myself for trying to see the good in everyone... I hate myself for ev

& here i am! Not really a lot of updates but... Im starting to feel some type of way about a few things... I dont mean to sound dramatic or whateva... But maybe I really have lost my mind. Im starting to look at life in a negative way, no matter how hard I try to fight it... People are horrible. I dont exclude myself when I say that, but people are really bad... its like maybe when you get old and realize that you got a chance to do all the bad stuff when you were younger, you start to get bored.... and without even thinking about it, you become better. I just feel that nobody really gets me, like I dont even understand how i think sometimes. Ive been having flashbacks like crazy, and trying to decide if I need help... or am I just slowly losing more of my mind with each passing day. My parents have completely given up on me, and it really sucks... I feel like everyone around me sees me as the cute and cuddly (and kind of ditzy) chey, but nobody takes me seriously. I s