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As I type this new post, i think its important to warn my audience this there are possible trigger warnings. If you are triggered please close this page immediately.
Ive recently come to realize how much I hate people! I know not all of you are bad, but for some strange reason, I only attract people that wish to hurt me. Take my family for instance, who conditioned me to be the way I am... my dad, who put more fear in my heart for years, and than has filled my adulthood with his haunting disappointment. my mom, who stayed in fear of my dad, but would always obey what he wanted, even when we lived like we worshipped him, I'm tired of letting people hurt me, Im fed up with it all, I was scammed recently, and it made me question all of my relationships.... People smile and tell me they love me, and want the best for me, but why every time I did what someone told me to do.... I ended up unhappy??
I really hate myself for trying to see the good in everyone... I hate myself for everything!
Im so angry because no matter who Im around or who i talk to IM ALONE! I hate being alone because I sit and think of all my mistakes without even trying. Like yea I seem normal and try to act regular but if people knew what I was thinking, I probably would have been put in mental hospital for good.
Ive decided that I need to be alone. At all cost... its like if I dont let people in and lock myself away, nobody can hurt me right? I dont want to hurt anymore! I can't handle it any longer. If i die alone and sad, and having accomplished absolutely nothing..... so be it! Im tired of trying to make people happy,
I can't even relay a time I was truly and naturally happy...
Ive recently come to realize how much I hate people! I know not all of you are bad, but for some strange reason, I only attract people that wish to hurt me. Take my family for instance, who conditioned me to be the way I am... my dad, who put more fear in my heart for years, and than has filled my adulthood with his haunting disappointment. my mom, who stayed in fear of my dad, but would always obey what he wanted, even when we lived like we worshipped him, I'm tired of letting people hurt me, Im fed up with it all, I was scammed recently, and it made me question all of my relationships.... People smile and tell me they love me, and want the best for me, but why every time I did what someone told me to do.... I ended up unhappy??
I really hate myself for trying to see the good in everyone... I hate myself for everything!
Im so angry because no matter who Im around or who i talk to IM ALONE! I hate being alone because I sit and think of all my mistakes without even trying. Like yea I seem normal and try to act regular but if people knew what I was thinking, I probably would have been put in mental hospital for good.
Ive decided that I need to be alone. At all cost... its like if I dont let people in and lock myself away, nobody can hurt me right? I dont want to hurt anymore! I can't handle it any longer. If i die alone and sad, and having accomplished absolutely nothing..... so be it! Im tired of trying to make people happy,
I can't even relay a time I was truly and naturally happy...
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