WithUiamInfinite

This post is just letting y'all know where im at, Im like around, ya know, like im here but half the time im really not, ive been trying to stay sane and myself by mixing my ideas with reality, I sound crazy no? I should care but I dont, Im literally at the same fucking head space, I dont want to be around anyone, because I dont trust anyone, I just think of the worst happening in every scenario, but i feel like im being realistic and preparing myself because sooner or later the worse happens, might not happen today, or in 6 months from now.... but believe me, it happens! Someone brought up my last baby the other day..... I think about the situation often. See I dont think my boyfriend was really bothered by it, by I had never went through that before. If i could have one wish it would be for another chance. Id also wish for a home. Ive realized recently that Ive never had one of those..... a home where I was actually looking forward to coming back to. A home where I could find...

I had an epiphany today. Have you ever hit that moment, where you stop and start to really look into how people treat you? Have you ever started to question every human interaction you've ever encountered? Its like.... Everyone knew the script in the movie except you. You realize that people actually happen to be disgusting. No matter what role they play in your life... Ive been conditioned. We all have! I used to think it was just me. But its everyone!! I thought I was fucked up, ya know? Thought I was straight out retarded(no offense) But it wasn't me! It was how people reacted when I started to show them that I was smarter and stronger on my own. They couldn't handle it, so they would start feeding me bullshit, I used to believe people were good. I used to strive to make the ones around me happy, because I always thought they would do the same. Where has that left me? Divorced, alone, broke and dependent of others.

So for some strange reason, Ive been dying to be by myself Like I hate, when Im alone with nothing to do... but when Im around people they all make me feel inferior to them... Like no, i haven't finished a degree a yet and ive started like 6 different schools no i dont have a job and have stopped the search for one no i can't drive and im 22 I dont care about those things anymore though because I realized I wasn't doing those things for me I was doing them because people said i should and i wanted someone to tell me i was doing something right... Im content with being absolutely nothing right now. one thing i did start doing again is my gages... their blue (fav) i guess im trying to look older, tired of people confusing my boyfriend as my dad or brother,