WithUiamInfinite

  So it's been 3 fucking years.  So much has changed, I missed you guys.  I'm kind of a mom now... That sounded fucked up... I HAVE A CHILD! How's that for a plot twist? Anywho...  Here the link to my new and more adult blog guys, if you guys are still tuning in from Canada, I actually have thought about picking up my entire life and moving there. Yes, I am running from my problems. So head over to my new blog, and consider this last post here as the final farewell.  https://culturallychey.blogspot.com

This post is just letting y'all know where im at, Im like around, ya know, like im here but half the time im really not, ive been trying to stay sane and myself by mixing my ideas with reality, I sound crazy no? I should care but I dont, Im literally at the same fucking head space, I dont want to be around anyone, because I dont trust anyone, I just think of the worst happening in every scenario, but i feel like im being realistic and preparing myself because sooner or later the worse happens, might not happen today, or in 6 months from now.... but believe me, it happens! Someone brought up my last baby the other day..... I think about the situation often. See I dont think my boyfriend was really bothered by it, by I had never went through that before. If i could have one wish it would be for another chance. Id also wish for a home. Ive realized recently that Ive never had one of those..... a home where I was actually looking forward to coming back to. A home where I could find...

& here i am! Not really a lot of updates but... Im starting to feel some type of way about a few things... I dont mean to sound dramatic or whateva... But maybe I really have lost my mind. Im starting to look at life in a negative way, no matter how hard I try to fight it... People are horrible. I dont exclude myself when I say that, but people are really bad... its like maybe when you get old and realize that you got a chance to do all the bad stuff when you were younger, you start to get bored.... and without even thinking about it, you become better. I just feel that nobody really gets me, like I dont even understand how i think sometimes. Ive been having flashbacks like crazy, and trying to decide if I need help... or am I just slowly losing more of my mind with each passing day. My parents have completely given up on me, and it really sucks... I feel like everyone around me sees me as the cute and cuddly (and kind of ditzy) chey, but nobody takes me seriously. I s...

Hey guys its CheyS, recently I've been in a dark place mentally and physically, which is why it took me awhile to post.... so many things have happened that ive kept quiet about and it really sucks, theres really nobody I can turn to that has good intentions for me, my family is there but they dont understand and im pretty sure all of them have lost hope in me, im 22 and have accomplished nothing in the last 4 years (when i graduated high school) Love? I love the man im with but i feel like ive overstayed my welcome.... I feel like im annoying because i want to be around all the time. Being with him had made me feel normal for some strange reason, but now i feel like a burden... So, ive come to the conclusion that I need to just be alone If im alone, nobody will be worried about me, i won't be clingy to anyone, i won't be used by anyone. I just dont know whats wrong with me. I really do hate myself sometimes.... all the time.... Ive been this way since my bi...

I had an epiphany today. Have you ever hit that moment, where you stop and start to really look into how people treat you? Have you ever started to question every human interaction you've ever encountered? Its like.... Everyone knew the script in the movie except you. You realize that people actually happen to be disgusting. No matter what role they play in your life... Ive been conditioned. We all have! I used to think it was just me. But its everyone!! I thought I was fucked up, ya know? Thought I was straight out retarded(no offense) But it wasn't me! It was how people reacted when I started to show them that I was smarter and stronger on my own. They couldn't handle it, so they would start feeding me bullshit, I used to believe people were good. I used to strive to make the ones around me happy, because I always thought they would do the same. Where has that left me? Divorced, alone, broke and dependent of others.

So recently I've started to notice something about my boyfriend, OR it might not even be im, it may be me taking everything personal again... Anyways, Some people have started to say that I act caucasian ???I dont understand that though??? So, I asked him, " is it because I'm not ghetto? " "No, you just dont have any swag" ....... Well, I stopped worrying about swag around 18... What really defines "Swag" anyway? I mean I always had issues having african american friends because I just wasn't like the other black girls. Its weird though... He thinks it makes me less black because I like people like keith urban and hilary duff... but I also like drake and lil uzi vert and... yea you get it... What the flying fuck is swag? & maybe that is my swag If it important to have I dont want my swag matching other peoples swag? Fin.

So for some strange reason, Ive been dying to be by myself Like I hate, when Im alone with nothing to do... but when Im around people they all make me feel inferior to them... Like no, i haven't finished a degree a yet and ive started like 6 different schools no i dont have a job and have stopped the search for one no i can't drive and im 22 I dont care about those things anymore though because I realized I wasn't doing those things for me I was doing them because people said i should and i wanted someone to tell me i was doing something right... Im content with being absolutely nothing right now. one thing i did start doing again is my gages... their blue (fav) i guess im trying to look older, tired of people confusing my boyfriend as my dad or brother,